Monday, December 21, 2015

Happiness from Usual Things

It feels so great that when your children need something, they ask for you.
This morning, I watched my wife walk away from our house for work. For more than two months, I have to stay at home with my two toddlers.

This morning, I was having my first coffee, smelling the Christmas breeze, while I was imagining the usual things that would happen for the rest of the day. Yes, the usual things. As I imagined through those usual things, a smile dragged across my face but it did not reach my heart. I realized that it was so ironic that when I had a job before, all I was wishing for was time so that I could write and hopefully finish The Dreamwalker’s Soul Mate.

Now I have so much time. Well, that’s not completely right. Before I resigned, I thought that staying at home would give me the time that I needed to pursue my writing. But then, after resigning, I am still busy with many things at home. I am not complaining. I just realized that having free time by staying at home is a myth.

I have to be positive in everything I do now. I have to see the good things out of the many things that I have right now which I did not have before like spending more time with my kids. However, you know the feeling that you are specifically designed for something else? Like no matter how good your whole intention for something, if you are not designed for that, it would not really work perfectly?

Perhaps I am just a little sad with my current setup. I was silently praying for guidance. After a cup of coffee, I went upstairs to check on my kids. On halfway to our room, I heard my youngest, Markus, calling out on my name, “Papa! Papa!” He was calling for me in his morning voice. Even before I opened the door to greet him and pick him up, I was already smiling. I thought that was one of the most beautiful things happening to me right now.

It feels so great that when your children need something, they ask for you. It's priceless. It is very inspiring. It feels great that spending the usual things with them create a special bond that I am sure is important as they grow up.

Somewhere in that situation, I said a quick thank-you prayer in my head. Not just for that event, but for the confidence that my Father also feels the same for me. Whether I am being a good son or not, I know that He loves me the same.