Grasping Faith

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Last week, I started my job hunting. Actually I just did it on Monday and Tuesday last week. After that I stopped, waited for calls, text messages, and email messages—and I received nothing.

I should not worry but I still worried. I thought of Mama and Papa and Psyche. I also thought of Nicalyn, Jojo, Calvin, Alex, and RonRon. I thought of many promises I heard as the year 2011 ended and 2012 began—promises I said to myself. It was as if I had to hear the actual words to oblige some faith that these promises are going to happen this year.

There are three things in my list under major importance category.

1. The promised house.

2. The better job.

3. The realization of being a published writer.

The promised house — the promised house is for my parents and younger siblings. My heart was broken in a million painful pieces when my family was forced to leave the house in Calamba, while I was going through medication because of kidney stones miles away from them, helpless. God has promised that we will all eat together in a festive meal as one whole family. I long to get home and find everyone in there wearing happy faces. When I go to the kitchen, Mama will be there cooking something. When I go upstairs I will find Jojo writing his new personal book. Calvin will be in the other room, studying a new worship song on keyboard. Alex will be with him reading something. Psyche and RonRon will be in the living room watching TV while Nicalyn is asleep on the sofa. Papa will arrive later from work with a box of pizza. Chris will be calling us on the phone to tell something great that has happened in her school.

The better job — the travel time from home (San Pablo City) to work and vice versa was killing me. Plus the fact that Gracia and I were hardly seeing each other. And the nature of the work was adding to my unwanted depression. So I had to resign and hoped for the best. I prayed for better job which I defined as something near that I don’t need to take a total of six hours travel time. Something that is done during the day, Monday thru Friday. Something I could learn more from. Something that could offer a career growth for me. Something that has better salary so that I would not miss sending my share for my siblings’ allowance, for the pay for the house, and for Gracia and me.

The realization of being a published writer — I am happy that I have finished writing the first seven chapters for The Dreamwalker’s. Just seven more or so chapters and my first novel will be ready for publishers.

Last week, Gracia’s Japanese boss talked to her and asked if I already have a job. Hesitantly, Gracia told him that I am still applying—in other words, still jobless. The Japanese boss offered the opening post for customer service in their company that they need this month. Gracia told the Japanese boss that I don’t know Autocad and the nature of the business. The Japanese boss said that they could teach me. It sounds like great news. Imagine, Gracia and I will be going to the office together and will be going home together. I also know that all people in the office are great and nice.

When our emotions finally calm down, we consider some important things. First of all the salary. It would not be enough to support my brothers and Psyche. There is also no room for career growth unless I would get transferred to Sales. But for Sales, they need someone who knows how to drive. It feels so unfair for someone who is looking for a career, not a job. We also have considered that the Financial Manager is our Ninang and the President of the company is our Ninong. We don’t want to hear anyone saying that we are using our connections or whatever. We don’t but it was the Japanese boss who approached Gracia—which we wished he didn’t. That is complicated to explain.

This coming Friday will mark my two-month of being a househusband. Not proud of it, okay? Well, that was really part of the plan for my career hunting to start in the second week of January. So technically, I have been looking for a career for only ten days.

But Jojo just paid me a visit last Sunday and I was only able to give him half of his allowance. There was nothing more I could give for Alex and Calvin. The thought of it gave me more pressure.

And about The Dreamwalker’s? I still have no message from my writer-friend Alex, not even a word from Nicalyn.

All of this resulted to my longer stay inside our room, getting bad, feeling ill of everything. Until late this afternoon, I gave in and cried like a child to God. In tears, God gave me a new hope and a new faith. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow but I give that to the LORD. He knows better, way better, than me.

Thank You, Abba.