Another Message From Francis

Below is another e-mail message form my English Coach Francis Catalan of TeleTech-Lipa. I still want to share the following beautiful message he had written for me.

From: Catalan, Francis Allan
To: "Fernand Yim"
Date: Monday, December 4, 2006, 8:55 AM

Hello,

Thank you very much for sending an e-mail. I do hope to get more from you and your wavemates. Training your class has been a very enjoyable and fulfilling experience. ^_^

It's okay that you didn't share your experiences to the class. Some of us still need to keep some secrets, probably because we want to analyze in private. But in my case, it's okay to share it. The truth is, I was a very shy adolescent. I had low self esteem because of my nerd status. I had a very mediocre childhood, not having the chance to play with other kids on a regular and/or normal basis. But I guess I compensated for it when I was in college, because then I could just let my hair down and be myself more.

I know that you are comfortable wherever you are now. The important thing is that we are comfortable in our niche, wherever that may be. Soon enough, you will find the confidence that you think you need. You don't need to smoke or do things against your will just to fit in (but sometimes you have to experience it for the lessons that lurk ahead!). And you don't need to be as flamboyant as I am (believe me, it has some disadvantages! ^_^); just be comfortable being yourself.

And remember: You cannot run away from your past. But whatever you are now is the product of your experiences. ^_^

Best of luck to you and your wavemates. Remember: whenever you guys need help, I will always be here. God bless you all! ^_^

Reporting,

Fernand Yim

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Francis Says...

Below is the e-mail message I sent to Francis, my English Coach in TeleTech-Lipa. It was written out of, ehem, depression. The reason why I am re-posting it here is because I want to share the beautiful advice Francis had told me.

From: Fernand Yim

Sent: Tuesday, January 30, 2007 1:38 PM

To: Catalan, Francis Allan

As I always say, I am thankful to have the chance to work at Teletech and meet wonderful set of people. And it is true. But...I feel something else. There is something I so long to have, something so powerful that it invites me to explore, to challenge myself how far I really can go, how brave I am to dare to reach my dream. Everyone around me doesn't understand me, they all think I am stupid. Sometimes it feels so bad, para kang nakakulong at kahit gusto mo nang kumawala, di mo magawa. Siguro matatawa ka kapag nabasa mo ito. Ewan ko, hindi ko din talaga alam. Minsan iniisip ko baliw talaga ako. Isip ako ng isip ng kung anu-ano. Ayoko na ngang mag-isip pero isip pa rin ako ng isip. Sumasakit na nga ang ulo ko. Minsan parang ayoko ng gumising. Parang napapagod na kasi ako. Parang okay lang kahit ngayon na ang last day ko sa Earth. Para kasing makakapahinga lang ako kapag patay na ako. Ang OA no? Tapos bakit ko sinasabi ito sayuo? Ewan ko. Siguro kasi gusto ko lang may mapagsabihan, at alam ko makakalimutan mo din lahat ng sinabi ko dito. 23 na ako pero pakiramdam ko mas matagal pa akong nabuhay kaysa sa 23 taon dito sa earth. Minsan kapag nasa bus ako mula Calamba papunta Lipa, minsan iniisip sana tumaob yung bus o kaya magkabanggaan tapos mamamatay ako o kaya magkakaamnisya. Ang weird nmo? Para talaga akong tanga. OK. Matapos mo basahin ito, isipin mo na lang na may nabasa ka lang na walang kwentang kwento sa isang lumang dyaryo. Anyway, salamat sa ito.

From: Catalan, Francis Allan

To: "Fernand Yim"

Date: Tuesday, January 30, 2007, 2:09 PM

I know life can be demanding, especially in the world that we're living in right now. It's not easy to live in a society that's always on the go and seems to eat away on our confidence, patience, energy and skills. And as soon as we know that we're slowly being consumed by it, we begin to think about giving up.

Just remember to pray, always. Pray for strength and guidance. Pray for confidence and trust. You know, it's not easy to have a job like ours. Heck, if it were easy, it wouldn't be called work. You guys, as agents, as lucky because your job ends as soon as you have tendered the entire 9 hours. Our job, on the other hand, demands more time than it takes. Sometimes, we even spend the rest of the day here just to get it done. With it goes our personal commitments, if not with others but with ourselves.

Treat this as a learning experience. You wouldn't become a strong person if you did not go through all these challenges. I would not want to wish for you to experience the same things that I did, because all of them have been a test of character and emotional strength. It really is up to you to handle these challenges in the way that you see fit.

Whenever you feel like dying (because of irate calls? ^_^), or of just giving up because its too hard, try to remember the reason why you're here in the first place. Remember when having this job just meant everything to you, and you would die just to get in. That's the irony: you'd die just to get in, but once you've experienced it, you want to die just to get out.

Remember: the biggest shame that you can ever put to yourself is to not try at all, not giving your best shot, and asking yourself "what if" once everything is over and done with.

Please feel free to reach me for any inquiries.

Reporting,

Fernand Yim

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Now On My Own

Lately I am thinking about my future. I am convinced that everything in my life does have a pattern. And this pattern I am talking about is somewhat ridiculously irritating. It is irritating because I feel like I am running in circles. Many times I thought the cocoon days were finally over that I could fly now like a free butterfly. Then suddenly I would find myself still grounded on the same place, inside a cocoon.

Many times I felt like crying and wishing I could drown into my tears and just die away. Sometimes I do bad things not to cover up my pains but for the sake of feeling something else aside from the constant pain and despair.

There were times I lost control of everything and there was no turning back. The chase against pain only lead me to a couple of more pains. I am aware of that I hurt people in the process of it. At first I thought that those who were meant to be with me would stay until the chase was over. Then recently I woke up with the realization of being alone. I called for my friends and no one was there anymore. My family was into something else. No one was left for me.

That is why lately I had been doing so much thinking on my future. I have to set aside my emotions and focus on my goals. This time, it is all about me. I don't want to wake up another day realizing that everyone has reached their star while I am still running in circles. How I wish I can really do it. Now on my own. # Written on June 2, 2008.

Reporting,

Fernand Yim

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