Please Use Other Door
>> Thursday, May 22, 2008 –
Forgiveness,
My Writing Life
It happened for the second time. I lost my job yesterday...again. I had so many questions in mind that I earnestly sought for explanation. But again, I realized that it was a crazy idea to pursue a career with InfoNXX (now Kgb_Philippines) for the second time around. I don't know why I kept coming back. Perhaps I wanted to prove something to myself, or maybe I was seeking for justice. Everything that happened in my previous employment was so unfair. It was really unfair. Many times I thought I had already forgiven those people. Then suddenly I realized I never did. It is because the pain was still here, lingering in my thoughts, putting more pain in my heart. I wouldn't be reacting like this if I did something really wrong. How could self-defense be wrong? I know it is done, it already happened couple months ago, and it belongs to the past. However, my emotional self cannot conform to that. Something is not right and there must be something to be done so I can let go. How could I let go if I feel so much of a victim?
It took me many months before I finally gathered all the courage I needed to try a new life again, to live again. And it is so unfair that they can still hurt me even though we are apart from each other. I wonder how other people can be happy by hurting other people? Yeah, I know...I am still hurting. I don't want this, I don't plan this. It is just happening naturally.
When I was there in RCBC near the smoking area, waiting for a friend to bid our goodbyes, I was trying to put all these things in a different perspective . I was trying to think outside the box. I wanted to find good reason to start again. I wanted to cheer up myself. Or perhaps I was demanding a good explanation why it happened. I did pray. I thanked God that it happened. I thanked God that He had given me a chance to meet the wonderful people of Batch UK92. There must be good reason behind all these why I had to meet them. Besides, the experience was great enough to include in my many beautiful memories to visit anytime I want. It was also a good opportunity for me to feel closer to my old friends. It was great to receive all those heart-warming messages of concern, love, care, and friendship from them. Still, something in me was wandering, restless.
When I turned around I saw this sign. PLEASE USE OTHER DOOR. Funny I know but it gave me a totally different message which had touched me and, somewhere I know I could do better and start again. A friend had sent me a message saying, one door closes, another opens.
I am still hurting. And I will not wish for the pain to go away. Like what a friend told me, I should feel the pain. Healing is a process that doesn't happen overnight. I know I would heal. There is no need for me to rush to get over it. It surely will take time. And I believe God is always fair. For the meantime, I will concentrate on the things I know I can do really well. #
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